Global Studies
Department of Global Studies
Tidemarsh University – School of Rotational Knowledge and Hidden Liquor
The Department of Global Studies at Tidemarsh University is devoted exclusively to the rigorous examination of globes—not the concept of globalization, not geopolitics, but the actual spherical objects people put in classrooms, offices, and libraries to seem worldly.
Our curriculum spans the full arc of globe appreciation, from Intro to Spinning with Authority to Comparative Bar Globes: A Study in Concealed Geography and Gin. Students explore pressing academic questions such as: Why are antique globes always slightly wrong? Who decides what size a “show globe” should be? And does a globe still count if it's hollow and full of brandy?
Our faculty includes one cartographer emeritus, a rotating guest lecturer (literally—we spin him in on a platform), and a professor who speaks five languages but only when tipsy and pointing at random countries.
Signature courses include:
Terrestrial Prestige Objects 101
Decolonizing the Decorative Globe
Liquor Cabinets of the Enlightenment
Advanced Spinning and Dramatic Pauses
Field work includes visiting vintage shops, executive offices, and the occasional man cave. Final projects are judged on rotational accuracy, bar capacity, and whether the student can locate Albania while under mild social pressure.
Graduates often find themselves in careers involving conversation starting, passive cartography, or quietly pouring Scotch during geopolitical debates.
Because at Tidemarsh, when we say “Global Perspective,” we mean mahogany finish, brass meridian, and a little hatch that opens with a click.
