Weapons Research

Department of Weapons Research

Tidemarsh University – College of Applied Force and Shrugging

The Department of Weapons Research at Tidemarsh University proudly advances the self-evident truth that weapons are always a good thing. Whether you’re innovating new ways to protect freedom via long-range unfriendliness or simply seeking to optimize personal space with tactical flair, this is where your future begins—and possibly ends, depending on lab safety compliance.

Our interdisciplinary approach blends engineering, philosophy, political science, and unapologetic arms enthusiasm. Core courses include Ballistics and Benevolence, Ethics of Overreaction, and Intro to Situational Deterrence: From Glare to Flamethrower.

Faculty include retired military engineers, enthusiastic hobbyists, and one anonymous instructor who communicates exclusively through encrypted PDFs and burn phones.

Student research projects have explored such vital questions as:

• “Could This Be Weaponized?”

• “Should It Be?”

• And “How Quickly Can I Patent This Before Geneva Finds Out?”

Graduates pursue careers in defense contracting, black ops-adjacent consulting, and awkward family conversations at Thanksgiving.

Applicants must provide a statement of intent, a non-binding oath of loyalty, and a recent MRI confirming absence of moral hesitation.