Mathematics
Department of Mathematics
Tidemarsh University – College of Pure Logic and Questionable Applications
The Department of Mathematics at Tidemarsh University is a haven for those who believe that truth can be expressed numerically, emotions are best avoided, and imaginary numbers deserve real respect. Here, we don’t just solve problems—we create them, label them elegantly, and leave them for future generations to contemplate in despair.
Our curriculum spans the full range of intellectual masochism, from Calculus of Regret to Abstract Algebra and Existential Crisis. Required courses include:
Proofs No One Asked For
Statistics: The Art of Saying "Probably"
Geometry and the Ancient Art of Drawing Perfect Circles Badly
Differential Equations and Why Everything Breaks in the Real World
Our faculty includes theorem fanatics, Pi evangelists, and at least one professor who hasn't spoken in anything but LaTeX code since 2013. Office hours are held irregularly and announced using cryptic notation on hallway whiteboards.
Students are expected to wrestle with unsolvable questions, develop an appreciation for elegant futility, and pretend that math jokes are funny. Group work is encouraged, but only so students may blame each other for rounding errors.
Graduates pursue careers in academia, data science, cryptography, and trying to explain their major to their grandparents at Thanksgiving.
At Tidemarsh, we don’t ask why—we ask "Given that, what is x?"
