Music
Department of Music
Tidemarsh University – School of Joyful Noise and Budgetary Regret
The Department of Music at Tidemarsh University is passionately committed to training the next generation of elementary school music teachers for jobs that no longer technically exist. While public arts funding evaporates like morning dew on a tuba, we remain undeterred in our mission to teach students how to lead recorders in unison and smile through administrative indifference.
Our curriculum includes:
Introduction to Crushed Dreams (Music Education 101)
Conducting Children with Rhythm and Minimal Screaming
Percussion with Found Objects
Grant Writing for Extra Chairs and Reeds
Faculty members include former music educators, hopeful idealists, and one adjunct who claims to have taught an entire fifth-grade orchestra using only a kazoo and willpower. Our classrooms echo with scales, hope, and the occasional muffled sob from behind the upright piano.
All students are trained in navigating standardized testing culture, politely advocating for the arts, and creatively reusing the same broken xylophone for six years. Senior recitals are performed to an audience of one administrator and a budget report.
Graduates go on to inspire children, defend the arts, and cry a little when they see a triangle in the wild.
Because at Tidemarsh, we believe music education is vital—even if no one in the state legislature has heard of it.
